i don't like sucking hair
420 ftw
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
