And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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