dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
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I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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