A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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