he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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