if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
