you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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