Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
