They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
