I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
