PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
