Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh god the rape fog is back!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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