he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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