On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
