i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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