you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize