Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
