friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
