Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
