Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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