dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she pinky promised me she was 18
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
