remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize