Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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