He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize