Having a random hookup so left but love u
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
