Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
