where am i from again
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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