i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
