So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
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Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.