it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...