Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.