i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.