If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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