I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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