Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
