they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
