I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
