Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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