he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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