jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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