five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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