Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He kissed a someone with a penis
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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