Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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