I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
