took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
