I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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