So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
