We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
