Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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