There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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