Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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