there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
