hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
