From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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