Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Randomize
