I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
