I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
