Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
